It has become a battle of wills and money and attitudes and winning. As with any battle, in the end there will be no winners, only varying degrees of hurt. There is no conceivable reason behind the change in status quo, there is only conjecture. It is conjecture to which I do not wish to give credence, ideas with seeming validity, thoughts about the current whys and wherefores of this mess. I attempt to merely deal with the concrete facts, the steps which need to be taken, the future outcome of any and all decisions which may be made at this juncture. I examine and reexamine and then examine again my motives and endlessly search for resolutions which serve the greatest good. I search for the best possibilities for the most important elements, those who happen to also be least able to affect their own outcomes.
I fight not for myself, but for those extraordinary beings which I have brought into this world. I fight for their now, I fight for their tomorrows, I fight for their future knowledge of what is, what was, what may be and what could have been. I fight until my nails are torn, my fists are bloody and my soul is bruised and battered. I fight with all the strength I can muster; mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. I fight with every resource I have in order to do what is right and good and worthy. I believe in this quest, I believe in the veracity of my beliefs, I believe that I have a responsibility to do what is right regardless of the personal toll.
Generally speaking, I am simply a pacifist. I would adore world peace, a green environment, and unlimited shared resources. I would love for love to rule and for rainbows and sunshine and pixie dust to brighten all days. I wish for the ability to always see the sparks glinting off the snow, hear the sounds of nature at peace, smell the dewy freshness of a mountain morning.
This is, of course, naught but a pipe dream.
I may wish to be a pacifist, but I am also a realist. I see and acknowledge issues and problems. I can accurately extrapolate trending attitudes and performances. I concede that there is bad and wrong and evil in the world. I may not like what I see, I may rail against happenings, but I refuse to deny reality for the benefit of my mental happiness.
I shudder at the necessity of having to take negative or punitive actions. I abhor the feeling that I am causing ill to another. But I vow to not let my distaste for these actions keep me from doing that which may bring about the security and well-being of others. And if harmony is unattainable, perhaps someday those with no say, those with the least resources, those whom these actions will affect the most, may someday recognize the effort if not the outcome. In this match where outcome most likely means more than intent, knowledge may be nothing but a hollow consolation prize. Regardless, I will continue to do what should be done in order to achieve the best possible outcome for those who cannot fight for themselves.
I believe. I give. I cry. I love.
What more can I do?