Robot Butterfly

And then there was … not me.

A huge portion of my today was spent in thought and reflection.  My life has been off-kilter lately and because of that I have been emotionally off balance.  So many things that I cannot fix, so many things that just are, so many things I feel I have lost and I have been running on auto-pilot.

Or maybe I have simply been running.

I don’t know what I can do to make life return to normal.  I don’t know how to break through my fog in a rational manner.  It’s feast or famine, a seesaw swing between an emotional void and sharp, raw, cutting emotions.

I think I’m managing well, letting what I believe to be positive emotions creep back into my world.  Then I wake up and realize I’m simply jumping off the high dive without even knowing if there is water in the pool.

I feel the neglect of not dancing and from not being able to touch base with those friends so far away.  I long to get into our particular brand of trouble.  I miss silly things like talking to people, having a steady paycheck, turning clouds into rainbows, and making jokes about Tennessee, sox, and tiaras.

Perhaps I am a pod person, looking the same but acting irrationally. Perhaps I should remain quiet; eyes open, mouth shut, and coast for a bit.  I should not do, or feel, or act now.  I should stop being fatalistic and I should keep my hands off my wallet.   I should decline alcohol, stay away from sugar, sleep from being tired and not from a script.

I will remake myself into a butterfly.  I will surround myself with my chrysalis until I can emerge as that which I want to be.  I wish to stop hurting, I want the confusion and pain and sorrow to end.  My new form will be functional, hopefully beautiful, yet will reject those things which serve only to cause pain.  I will be a robot.  I will become a robot butterfly and learn to soar with iron wings under the blue skies of life.

metal butterfly

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About tuesdaydangergirl

The quintessential pessimistically optimistic meat-eating vegetarian hippie chick who believes wholeheartedly in peace, love, toast and sox but not necessarily in that order. And the tiara. It's all about the tiara ;) View all posts by tuesdaydangergirl

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